Thursday, September 29, 2011

For Tara

So this summer I had the best job ever. I was Nanny K to a 1 and half year old boy named Graham. Graham is probably the cutest kid in the world and I had the pleasure of carting him around for a few months. This is graham and I:

Notice Graham's small size in comparison to an adult. Now allow me to compare his size to kids of his own age:

Graham probably has the longest legs ever known for a 2 year old. This means he looks like a giant bald baby.... which is hilarious and adorable.
Graham and I did MANY things this summer like going to the library. At the library there happened to be a giant stuffed Clifford that Graham loved because Graham loves ALL puppies.

But my favorite thing to do with Graham was Gym Dandies. Graham was often fascinated with the hula hoops, though he didn't really have the capability of using them properly, he loved to shake them in his hands.

Basically this summer was the best.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

This is what happens when you tell somebody that you owe them

I needed somebody to cover my shift at Waco Hall on Monday. And as per usual nobody was really responding (aside from Megan who could cover me but would be 15 min. late). So I badgered everybody again with another email and asked if everybody really was busy and couldn't possibly cover for me for ONE HOUR. Well A.J., being the nice guy he is, decided he could cover me. Me, being the naive young girl I am said, "I totally owe you" and he's all like "you can pay me back with a blog shout out" and I'm all like, "Oh brother," and he's all like, "but your paint pics are SO good" (he's right) and I'm all like, "you want a pic too?!" and he's all like, "nevermind, forget I said anything" and I'm all like..... okay I should prob do this for him. I do after all only have like 2 readers. I can't make one of them angry.

So, without further adieu, A.J.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Guys, I'm like seriously hilarious.

Okay so Aaron and I are both in a tennis class together (with my roommate Michelle (shout out!)). Well today he was running a bit behind and the following texting conversation ensued:

Aaron: The line for parking is ridiculous.

Me: Uh Oh.

1 minute later

Me: You're missing it!!! First five people to class got a free pony. I named mine Old Ben Kenobi. It's a girl.

Me: I'm riding her through the tennis courts.

Me: I don't think she appreciates me riding her because she's pretty small... gotta train em up right though...

Me: Uh oh one of the other ponies just challenged Old Ben Kenobi to a fight.

Me: Challenge accepted.

Me: Well that was quick, Old Ben Kenobi just used the force and lighteninged the other pony to death. That was brutal to witness.

Me: Coach took the ponies away. Way to go Old Ben Kenobi for ruining it for everybody. Now you don't even get to see them.

Aaron then walked up to the tennis courts.

Aaron: You're an idiot.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Kind of a repeat but with better pictures.

As you know, if you read my blog, I have posted in the past about the wonderful allure of the internet. Well tonight, as I sit here looking at my completely full planner, I can't help but be drawn by the seductive song of the siren I call cyberspace.

So the moral of the story is. Don't listen to the devil on your shoulder. And when using paint, make the skin color dark enough that you can see the person's limbs.

Now...... homework.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

For Jeff

While speaking with co-workers at Waco Hall the following conversation ensued:

Jeff: I eat nothing but crap and still don't gain any weight.

Megan: I knew somebody who had that problem and when they went to the doctor their intestines were flipped.

Me: Maybe YOUR intestines are flipped!

Jeff (looking at me with accusatory eyes): Did you do that to me?

Me: Whuuu? I'm sorry, how/when could I have possibly done that?

Jeff: I'm a pretty heavy sleeper.

P.S. What's that urban myth about waking up in a bathtub with your organs gone? Weird.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred terrible song lyrics

Aaron and I got frostys tonight after dinner and he bought, for a dollar, the keychain that gets you a free junior frosty with any purchase. So we got the two small frostys we already ordered PLUS a free junior frosty. Furthermore, Aaron loves to make up songs in the car and sing them as loud as possible. Ergo... the following conversation.

Aaron (singing at top of lungs):  Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred frostys, invisible in the back seeeeeat.

My mind: That didn't even make sense. I'm definitely not dating this guy for his ability to make up song lyrics on the spot.

Me: You couldn't even fit five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred spoons in your back seat.

Aaron: They're all for me, I just need one spoon.

Me: Right, how stupid of me. Either way you could NEVER fit five hundred twent...

Aaron: They're invisible which means there is magic involved.

Me: Being invisible does not mea....

Aaron: MAGIC

Me: You're an ....


Me: I'm blogging thi.....

Aaron: MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He then proceeded to eat the junior frosty and become too full for the small one as well. So much for five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred frostys.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Parkour War

Aaron and I were sitting in the balcony at Waco Hall today discussing the following

Aaron: If you could jump off the balcony ledge and land on your feet I would give you a million dollars

Me: Easy.

Aaron: Without hurting yourself.

Me: ......

Aaron: There's no way.

Me: Do I have to land on my feet? Because I'm trained in parkour.

Aaron: You plan on jumping off, landing on your feet and rolling don't you?

Me: How did you know?

Aaron: I just knew.

My mind: Can you read my mind?

Aaron: I'm also trained in parkour.

Me: No. Wait, really? Because I was trained in high school and you weren't at the training.

Aaron: I was trained in elementary school. And that was my secondary education because I had pre-k parkour training too.

My mind: He's either lying, or I'm a little bit more in love.

Me: I wasn't really trained, I just listened to a guy give a how-to speech on parkour in class. I lied.

Aaron: I lied too.

Cat's game.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Curious Case of the Longest Movie Ever Made

If you love The Curious Case of Benjamin Button then stop reading now.

Conversation Aaron and I had via text as I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:

Me: How did Benjamin Button go through puberty?

Aaron: Reverse

Me: That's a lazy answer

Aaron: He went out of it.

Me: So like he could bear children when he was born?

Aaron: Yeah. He was different.

Me: Well duh, that's his curse. But come on, there are some serious holes in this plot. Old people never shrink to the size of infants and it's way creepy that he falls in love with Cate Blanchett when he's like 90 and she's like 12

Aaron: Kayla, it is a fictitious tale. It assumes a certain amount of whimsy

Me: And what happens in the end? Does he turn into a fetus? That's gross. Or does he disappear? That's impossible.

Aaron: Fetus... then death.

(At this point he's just humoring me and getting very tired of responding)

Me: Death at birth? This movie is MESSED up. And, Cate is really regretting turning Brad down now that he's young and cute.

Ten minutes later


Three minutes later

Me: I'm pretty sure I just caught Benjamin's dead mom breathing in the casket. Are you trying to sleep?

Ten minutes later

Me: Why does their kid find out about her dad growing in reverse order and not even question the reality of it? She just got mad and stormed off.

Aaron: I like the movie

Me: Are you sleep texting?

Aaron: No just lazy texting (this is code for "I'm tired of feeding this text conversation")... I don't have replies for a lot of these texts (this is code for, "will she EVER stop?!")

Me: Oh.

This is better than watching movies with him because I usually only get about three questions out before he makes me shut up and watch.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Just a little update

Found this little guy while antiquing.
I can only assume he escaped from NIMH.
So remember my tiny tape measure? Well, while shopping, I found THIS treasure. I proceeded to send the picture to my boss and inform him that mine was a STEAL as it was only $1.95, so basically he's saving money by employing me. Though this one is an antique so probably very rare and valuable.
 I should have bought it and taken it to Antique Roadshow.
I'm just sitting at the nail salon, having just had my pedicure finished, pretending to read a magazine but really looking at everybody else. So I casually look down at the girl's foot next to me and see the most amazing spectacle ever. 
My mind: "Holy crap this is the BIGGEST big toenail I've ever seen. It's taking over her WHOLE toe!" 
My phone's camera: "You're an idiot. This toenail is of normal proportions." 
My memory now: "My camera phone must be broken. That toenail was enormous." 
My computer: "This toe is totally normal, you're insane."
This photo is misleading. To better understand the reality of this situation, purchase and upload  Photoshop,  take the tutorial and  increase the size of this big toenail.
This is the time of the year when MY people come out to play. You know, those weird people who take Halloween a liiiiittle too seriously. Those people who sit in the dark watching horror movie marathons on television. Those people who force their boyfriends to take them to the theater to see the newest Paranormal Activity (which is coming out soon, Aaron). Those people who stay hold up in their bedrooms reading Stephen King. Those people who see decorations like this and feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Those people who think it will be funny to look up spells on their boyfriend's iPad and save them in their notes and then realize later maybe it was a little weird but then said boyfriend texts and asks them to be honest and tell him if they are a witch and then they realize he appreciated it after all even though he refused to talk to them because he claimed to be "freaked out"
You KNOW I love Buddy. And you KNOW Aaron loves Buddy. But when I asked Aaron if he would buy us tickets (only $107.03, which, considering a consultation with Buddy is at minimum $100 and THEN you have to pay $1200 for the cake, this is such a bargain!) to see him IN DALLAS this November, he said, "I can't handle that." I'm not sure what he means by that because if he can handle Jersey Shore every Thursday night, I'm SURE he can handle New Jersey's Buddy Valastro LIVE for one night.
Needless to say I'm reevaluating this relationship. Seems about time to DTR. 
And as if I wasn't already the best girlfriend ever, I see this tshirt on ebay (for those of you Star Wars noobs, this is a Star Wars shirt) and immediately tell Aaron that I need it.
Me: "Buy for me?"
Aaron: "Sure"
My mind: "What?! Did he just casually agree like he didn't even care?"
Me: "What?!"
Aaron: "Do you need it?"
My mind: " HELLUR! Of COURSE I need it. It's a Jawa and crossbones. I can't believe I've made it this long without it."
Me: "no"
And thus was the end of me getting a Jawa and crossbones shirt. 

P.S. I recorded The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and I'm finding that I'm just fast forwarding to the parts when Brad Pitt is young. Also there are WAY too many prosthetic faces going on in this movie. 

P.S.S Does anybody know how to cure chronically chapped lips? Like seriously. I've got a problem.