Thursday, February 13, 2014

Do you want to build a snowman?

Guys, when you have nothing to do (meaning you have plenty to do but really all you want to do is nothing) sometimes you find the most ridiculous ways to occupy your time. Aaron and I saw Frozen this week. It was fantastic. So I painted a picture of Olaf. Time well spent. Clearly. 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Get out your DSM-V because this dog needs a diagnosis (or diagnoses)

We are fast approaching 2 weeks with our new dog Scout and we love her in spite of and because of her quirks, which is saying a lot because there are many. Let's go through them shall we?

Scout's process for eating:
First, food and water bowls CANNOT be on top of a mat or a towel, otherwise there is pushing and clawing and refusal to eat, until bowls are moved to the floor. 
Scout may have what we call OCD. She begins by touching her nose to her food and then to the floor repeatedly in a sort of compulsive behavioral counting. She's like second season Hannah from Girls. It's disturbing but admittedly pretty cute. 
She then picks out around four pieces of food separately and drops them on the floor where she proceeds to herd them into a pile with her face. This explains the missing hair above her nose. 
From here it goes one of two ways. She either timidly eats one piece and then finishes all of it, or she goes and lays down. 

It's for outside, not inside. She only chews toys outside. She only runs outside. She's only a normal dog outside.
She likes to play with other dogs if they aren't too scared of her (she grabbed Erin and Tyler's dog by the collar and pinned her to the ground by her neck). My parent's dog Jack loved playing with her but confession: he's developed a limp since she came around. 
I've NEVER seen a dog this fast. In the words of Vivian Ward, she corners like she's on rails.  

All the dogs waiting patiently for their Christmas presents
Master of her domain:
Her bed is HER bed. If you're a dog, don't come near her while she's on her throne, or she will cut you. 

After her first bath, she shook from one side of the apartment to the other all in one go. Granted it's not a very large space but it was like 20 or 30 feet of straight shaking. It was like a scene straight out of Beethoven. Now if we could just get her to learn to shake with her paw, we'd be set. 

Devil eyes:
When dreaming, she opens her eyelids and reveals her eyeballs which are rolled all the way in the back of her head, showing just the whites. She's like Nicodemus from the Rats of NIMH. Coincidentally she seems like she'd be an interesting subject at NIMH. 

These are just a few of the freakish personality traits of Scout. Maybe one day you will be lucky enough to meet her and brave enough to look her in the eyes (because nobody else will). 

Originally we had a no dog on bed policy, then we learned it meant staying in bed for an extra 30 minutes so...

Another quirk: she stares off at nothing a lot. She'll just stand in the middle of the hall or the entry way staring at nothing.

Friday, December 20, 2013

She's here!

Everybody, meet Scout. 

Last Saturday I convinced Aaron to take me to Waco's Mega Pet Adoption event. We walked into the Extraco Event Center and it did NOT smell like it did a month before when we went for the annual library book sale.

I spotted her across the room. She had a sign she had clearly made that was hanging on her cage which read, "will trade love for a good home". She was the craziest looking dog I had ever seen. Like, wouldn't be surprised if she had a shiv hiding under her blanket, crazy. We got her out of her crate (well, to be safe, we had one of the shelter suckers get her out) and she just stood there like this:

Meanwhile, Aaron was pointing wide eyed at every good looking, highly adoptable puppy. I steered him towards Rita (ew) and it was almost love at first sight. There was a lot of "I love how absolutely crazy she looks" going on. Well, we left and returned with reinforcement (Erin and Tyler) and eventually made the decision. 

We went to the shelter the next Monday, were approved for adoption, and were told to visit her everyday until Friday, when we could pick her up. Now she's ours and we are never giving her back ever. 

Currently, I'm watching Aaron literally lead the dog to water. The old saying rings true as she is clearly uninterested in drinking. 

Now enjoy other pictures of our crazy mutt. 

So yes she's scary looking and might eat our faces while we sleep, but she's ours and we love her. 

To come: pictures of Scout with a freshly bathed and brushed coat. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Something's still coming

Rather than something, I should say someone. Someone female is coming.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Something's coming

and it's not winter.

No, something else is coming. And once it comes, there will be blogging. But as for now, there is only this annoyingly cryptic message.

Until my next post, enjoy this video of somebody trying really hard that my sister Kelsey graciously showed me.



Monday, October 21, 2013

"The difference between movie theater popcorn and almost movie theater popcorn is the difference between lightening and the lightening bug." -Mark Twain (sort of)

YOU GUYS. We are SO close it's not even funny. Many nights ago (because my last post was a million years ago) Aaron and I held trial 3 and depending on who you ask, we are one to a half of a star away from the real deal. Allow me to explain.

We finally bought Flavacol because we found it at a restaurant supply store in Dallas. Did you know, there are a lot of things you don't realize you need until you've stepped into a restaurant supply store? Suddenly a spiral fruit dispenser seems like a necessity

Spiral Fruit Basket, Each

Replacing the chairs at our dinner table with 1950s diner booth seating seems logical. Purchasing a seven and half pound can of nacho cheese sauce seems.... nope... that still seems disgusting. 

Well we found our tiny little carton of Flavacol (almost bought two (thank goodness Aaron had a leveler head than I)) and after reading the nutritional value reacted thusly:


One teaspoon... yes TEASPOON... is 114% of your daily recommended sodium intake.

Well.. here it is people. 

We learned that clarified butter MUST be unsalted. So we bought a new pack of unsalted butter and clarified it. 

Don't mind this butter, it's just separating its milk solids.

Instead of spending a long painful amount of time skimming the milk solids of the top of the butter, I looked up online that a coffee filter in a strainer over a bowl works.

Drip drip. One million hours later (at least), we had clarified butter!

2 Tbs. of coconut oil (did you know, if your coconut oil gets above 76 degrees it liquefies? Neither did we!)

The upside is I didn't have to scoop the nasty solid coconut oil out with my finger!

1/2 tsp. of Flavacol... a little goes a long way like axe in a middle school locker room.

This looks like I'm growing mold for the science fair.

4 oz. of popcorn (roughly 1/2 cup)

Popcorn salt

TADA! (we have two separate bowls because Aaron's ratio is equal parts popcorn and salt)

This was my reaction to the popcorn.

And this was Aaron's

I gave it 4 1/2 stars (5 being movie theater popcorn) and Aaron gave it 4. We both agree that there is something too real tasting about the actual butter (sad right?). We are also bumping up the Flavacol next time. 

We're close people...

So close......

Monday, July 29, 2013

"I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you." – Dirty Dancing

Coincidentally, this is what Aaron and I say about popcorn every time we leave the movie theater.

This is a long post about Aaron and I's quest to make the perfect movie popcorn at home (including our trial recipes thus far). If you don't care about popcorn, stop reading. If you love popcorn, and you too want to learn to make movie theater popcorn at home, then read this post and follow us in the future as we continue our pursuit of perfection.

On the other hand, if you're completely grossed out that we are trying to replicate movie theater popcorn because it's approx. 6,000 calories per kernel, stop reading.

This is how we feel when we are eating movie theater popcorn:

And this is how we feel when our $6.00 bag is empty:


For you amateurs out there, who are probably thinking, "Orville Redenbacher's butter lovers tastes JUST like the movies!" To you we turn up our noses and contend that microwave popcorn is not only an insult to movie theater popcorn, but it will also give you popcorn lung. So yeah, chew on that, or better yet, don't... because you might die... or win $7 million in a lawsuit.

Our objective requires a top-notch team with two foundational members. Let's meet them. 

Whirley Pop
Whirley Pop, measuring in at 6 qts, has been on the roster since day one. He's our starting quarter back so to speak. To put it in the words of my fellow non-sports watchers, he's like the Tim Gunn of popcorn. Without him, we couldn't "make it work". 

Popcorn, created by Peruvian Indians (according to Wikipedia), reacts to heat and pressure much like me; it holds everything in until it explodes. Unlike popcorn, Aaron's not allowed to eat me after I've exploded at him. In our humble opinions (as of yet), it's not the popcorn that makes the popcorn, so any brand will suffice.

Trial 1
1/2 cup popcorn
2 Tbs. coconut oil
Clarified butter
Fine salt ground by the giant muscles of Mr. Aaron J. Mize

Combine popcorn and oil in whirley pop over medium high heat. Heat till popcorn is cooked. Clarify butter and pour on top. Salt to taste.

This popcorn tasted good. The clarified butter ensured that it didn't get soggy. Because popcorn salt is basically just really finely ground salt, it can coat the popcorn more, which is good in theory. But when you let Aaron salt the popcorn, who's taste buds are in a constant state akin to that of a pregnant woman's taste buds, it was WAY too salty for me.

Altogether, good, but still missing that movie theater taste.

Trial 2
1/2 cup popcorn
4 Tbs. Kernel Seasons Movie Theater Butter oil (for popping and topping)
Clarified butter
Finely ground salt

Combine popcorn and 2 Tbs. of Kernel Seasons. Pop. Top with 2 Tbs. of Kernel Seasons. Top with clarified butter. Salt to taste.

We thought popping with a butter flavored oil would help but it did nothing. So we thought topping with the butter flavor oil would help, but it did nothing. So we once again did clarified butter and salt (a little less this time). Unfortunately, the butter wasn't clarified enough (my bad) so the popcorn got a bit soggy. The salt was way better this time. The oil did manage to give it a bit of a movie theater taste but it also gave a weird after taste which counteracted anything good it did. And all of that butter and butter flavored oil starts to make you feel like Paula Deen.

Altogether, better than the first batch if you ask me, worse if you ask Aaron.

Future plans
Our next plan is to use Flavacol to season the popcorn, which is impossible to find anywhere but online unless you live in a fancy place that sells it at a fancy store. We are hoping to be able to pop the corn in a Flavacol/ coconut oil mixture.

So now that you've read this whole blog, you are either amazed at our determination, or you think we are freaks for caring this much.

Suggestions? Any would be welcomed. But only if you are a serious movie theater popcorn lover like us. And I don't mean "movie theater style popcorn" lover. Those are totally different. The latter being posers of the former