Friday, December 20, 2013

She's here!

Everybody, meet Scout. 

Last Saturday I convinced Aaron to take me to Waco's Mega Pet Adoption event. We walked into the Extraco Event Center and it did NOT smell like it did a month before when we went for the annual library book sale.

I spotted her across the room. She had a sign she had clearly made that was hanging on her cage which read, "will trade love for a good home". She was the craziest looking dog I had ever seen. Like, wouldn't be surprised if she had a shiv hiding under her blanket, crazy. We got her out of her crate (well, to be safe, we had one of the shelter suckers get her out) and she just stood there like this:

Meanwhile, Aaron was pointing wide eyed at every good looking, highly adoptable puppy. I steered him towards Rita (ew) and it was almost love at first sight. There was a lot of "I love how absolutely crazy she looks" going on. Well, we left and returned with reinforcement (Erin and Tyler) and eventually made the decision. 

We went to the shelter the next Monday, were approved for adoption, and were told to visit her everyday until Friday, when we could pick her up. Now she's ours and we are never giving her back ever. 

Currently, I'm watching Aaron literally lead the dog to water. The old saying rings true as she is clearly uninterested in drinking. 

Now enjoy other pictures of our crazy mutt. 

So yes she's scary looking and might eat our faces while we sleep, but she's ours and we love her. 

To come: pictures of Scout with a freshly bathed and brushed coat. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Something's still coming

Rather than something, I should say someone. Someone female is coming.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Something's coming

and it's not winter.

No, something else is coming. And once it comes, there will be blogging. But as for now, there is only this annoyingly cryptic message.

Until my next post, enjoy this video of somebody trying really hard that my sister Kelsey graciously showed me.



Monday, October 21, 2013

"The difference between movie theater popcorn and almost movie theater popcorn is the difference between lightening and the lightening bug." -Mark Twain (sort of)

YOU GUYS. We are SO close it's not even funny. Many nights ago (because my last post was a million years ago) Aaron and I held trial 3 and depending on who you ask, we are one to a half of a star away from the real deal. Allow me to explain.

We finally bought Flavacol because we found it at a restaurant supply store in Dallas. Did you know, there are a lot of things you don't realize you need until you've stepped into a restaurant supply store? Suddenly a spiral fruit dispenser seems like a necessity

Spiral Fruit Basket, Each

Replacing the chairs at our dinner table with 1950s diner booth seating seems logical. Purchasing a seven and half pound can of nacho cheese sauce seems.... nope... that still seems disgusting. 

Well we found our tiny little carton of Flavacol (almost bought two (thank goodness Aaron had a leveler head than I)) and after reading the nutritional value reacted thusly:


One teaspoon... yes TEASPOON... is 114% of your daily recommended sodium intake.

Well.. here it is people. 

We learned that clarified butter MUST be unsalted. So we bought a new pack of unsalted butter and clarified it. 

Don't mind this butter, it's just separating its milk solids.

Instead of spending a long painful amount of time skimming the milk solids of the top of the butter, I looked up online that a coffee filter in a strainer over a bowl works.

Drip drip. One million hours later (at least), we had clarified butter!

2 Tbs. of coconut oil (did you know, if your coconut oil gets above 76 degrees it liquefies? Neither did we!)

The upside is I didn't have to scoop the nasty solid coconut oil out with my finger!

1/2 tsp. of Flavacol... a little goes a long way like axe in a middle school locker room.

This looks like I'm growing mold for the science fair.

4 oz. of popcorn (roughly 1/2 cup)

Popcorn salt

TADA! (we have two separate bowls because Aaron's ratio is equal parts popcorn and salt)

This was my reaction to the popcorn.

And this was Aaron's

I gave it 4 1/2 stars (5 being movie theater popcorn) and Aaron gave it 4. We both agree that there is something too real tasting about the actual butter (sad right?). We are also bumping up the Flavacol next time. 

We're close people...

So close......

Monday, July 29, 2013

"I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you." – Dirty Dancing

Coincidentally, this is what Aaron and I say about popcorn every time we leave the movie theater.

This is a long post about Aaron and I's quest to make the perfect movie popcorn at home (including our trial recipes thus far). If you don't care about popcorn, stop reading. If you love popcorn, and you too want to learn to make movie theater popcorn at home, then read this post and follow us in the future as we continue our pursuit of perfection.

On the other hand, if you're completely grossed out that we are trying to replicate movie theater popcorn because it's approx. 6,000 calories per kernel, stop reading.

This is how we feel when we are eating movie theater popcorn:

And this is how we feel when our $6.00 bag is empty:


For you amateurs out there, who are probably thinking, "Orville Redenbacher's butter lovers tastes JUST like the movies!" To you we turn up our noses and contend that microwave popcorn is not only an insult to movie theater popcorn, but it will also give you popcorn lung. So yeah, chew on that, or better yet, don't... because you might die... or win $7 million in a lawsuit.

Our objective requires a top-notch team with two foundational members. Let's meet them. 

Whirley Pop
Whirley Pop, measuring in at 6 qts, has been on the roster since day one. He's our starting quarter back so to speak. To put it in the words of my fellow non-sports watchers, he's like the Tim Gunn of popcorn. Without him, we couldn't "make it work". 

Popcorn, created by Peruvian Indians (according to Wikipedia), reacts to heat and pressure much like me; it holds everything in until it explodes. Unlike popcorn, Aaron's not allowed to eat me after I've exploded at him. In our humble opinions (as of yet), it's not the popcorn that makes the popcorn, so any brand will suffice.

Trial 1
1/2 cup popcorn
2 Tbs. coconut oil
Clarified butter
Fine salt ground by the giant muscles of Mr. Aaron J. Mize

Combine popcorn and oil in whirley pop over medium high heat. Heat till popcorn is cooked. Clarify butter and pour on top. Salt to taste.

This popcorn tasted good. The clarified butter ensured that it didn't get soggy. Because popcorn salt is basically just really finely ground salt, it can coat the popcorn more, which is good in theory. But when you let Aaron salt the popcorn, who's taste buds are in a constant state akin to that of a pregnant woman's taste buds, it was WAY too salty for me.

Altogether, good, but still missing that movie theater taste.

Trial 2
1/2 cup popcorn
4 Tbs. Kernel Seasons Movie Theater Butter oil (for popping and topping)
Clarified butter
Finely ground salt

Combine popcorn and 2 Tbs. of Kernel Seasons. Pop. Top with 2 Tbs. of Kernel Seasons. Top with clarified butter. Salt to taste.

We thought popping with a butter flavored oil would help but it did nothing. So we thought topping with the butter flavor oil would help, but it did nothing. So we once again did clarified butter and salt (a little less this time). Unfortunately, the butter wasn't clarified enough (my bad) so the popcorn got a bit soggy. The salt was way better this time. The oil did manage to give it a bit of a movie theater taste but it also gave a weird after taste which counteracted anything good it did. And all of that butter and butter flavored oil starts to make you feel like Paula Deen.

Altogether, better than the first batch if you ask me, worse if you ask Aaron.

Future plans
Our next plan is to use Flavacol to season the popcorn, which is impossible to find anywhere but online unless you live in a fancy place that sells it at a fancy store. We are hoping to be able to pop the corn in a Flavacol/ coconut oil mixture.

So now that you've read this whole blog, you are either amazed at our determination, or you think we are freaks for caring this much.

Suggestions? Any would be welcomed. But only if you are a serious movie theater popcorn lover like us. And I don't mean "movie theater style popcorn" lover. Those are totally different. The latter being posers of the former

Thursday, July 11, 2013

2 angry men... like the movie only not about a jury and really only one man... cause I'm a woman.

There once were two happy people. They were married, they were in love, but then they had squirrels.
I know what you're thinking:

But no.
Picture this:

Only more evil.

I managed to find a copy of the squirrels' daily agenda. It was nearly illegible and written in squirrel so I've copied it for you here:

7:30am-10pm: frollick outside- chase each other around and be adorable
10pm: go inside but be very quiet and sneaky
11pm: wait for apartment dwellers to fall asleep
12am-5am: crawl silently in the ceiling until the spot directly above the apartment dwellers' has been found
5:30am-7am: scratch with the fury of ten thousand squirrels
7:15am: hear apartment dweller's alarm sound, stop scratching and return to outside for frollicking. 
Repeat tomorrow and every day until the end of time.

I also managed to find a copy of Aaron's internet search history:

Squirrel in ceiling
Squirrel scratching in ceiling
Squirrel scratching incessantly in ceiling
How to kill all the squirrels everywhere.

Friday, June 28, 2013

So.... I know.... I'm sorry

For those of you who read this, and were invited to our wedding, and got us a gift, and haven't received a thank you card.... yeeeeah that's our bad. We're working on it. Please know, we are thankful. But we are also terrible procrastinators. It's gonna get done soon (the next year). And when you receive your thank you note, hopefully it won't be so far after the wedding, that you forget why we're thanking you. To be fair, I did buy the stamps like months ago.

So.....sorry. And thanks. But mostly sorry.

Kayla and Aaron

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I'm sorry I don't want to buy your "magical desk"

An ad for a desk I'm selling on Craigslist

Magical Desk- $200 OR BEST OFFER - $200 (Waco (Baylor Area))

I have an awesome desk that could be described as "shabby-chic" but that phrase is over-used and makes me want to kick something. Instead, I'm going to say, this is a one-of-a-kind, already-made-to-look-old, likely (though there's no way of knowing for sure) handcrafted desk that would be great in your home. I spent a lot of time painting it to look perfect, then sanding it to make it look the opposite of perfect, because that's the style, however nonsensical it seems. 

This beautiful piece (it's basically art) is cream in color, but was originally blue, which shows in the sanded parts as if the ocean is peaking through (which will make you feel as if you live at the beach). It would look great in a bedroom of any type... or in study, or a closet, or a garage, or basically any room you want to put it in. It could even be a really unique make-shift dog house but please don't use it for your cats. This desk hates cats. 

The desk has four drawers on the side to stash the fifteen bottles of multi-vitamins your dad gave you that you promised to take and never did, one long drawer in the middle for pencils and staples for the stapler you can't find anywhere, and a pull-out writing tab thing in case you hate writing on the actual desk part. I replaced the thousand year old button nobs with branch-shaped drawer pulls to really class it up and and make you feel like you're in a forest. Try finding another desk that makes you feel like you are at the beach and in a forest at the same time.

I've noticed over the years that it not only works well as a desk but also as a catch all for any junk you don't have time to put away. It doesn't move on its own, so you never have to worry about losing it, and it will play music (if you put your iPod and some speakers in the drawer and press play). 

Clearly, because it is as awesome as I've described, I wish I could keep it, but I just don't have room for it in my new apartment.
I'm asking $200 but I'm flexible. Make me an offer I can't refuse...

Only response to ad thus far:

I'm sorry I don't want to buy your "magical desk", (i'm looking for an office desk and chair) even though upon reading I could feel the ocean waves crash up against the rocks, the smell of the pine cones in the forest! I LOVED IT!! The art you or your pencil declared in writing this ad makes me for SURE to know that this desk had a remarkable owner!! 

My response to this response:

Thank you, I appreciate the compliment… but I'm also a little disconcerted by the fact that "magical desk" is in quotations in your response. Allow me to dispel any doubts you may have about the magical properties of this desk. For one, it was originally a person who worked in a castle but was cursed by an old woman and turned into an inanimate object. Second, it might be invisible because nobody else has responded to the ad, which leads me to believe that perhaps they cannot see it. 

If you need further proof, I'm willing to fabricate a certificate of magical authenticity. 

Also, I think this desk would look great in your office. 



Sunday, March 17, 2013

Only boring people get bored

When you work 25 hours a week and get done at 1 every day, and your friends are in class/working till 5 and then do homework, you start to get bored. But Betty Draper says only boring people get bored. So you take up a hobby. Ergo, I took up watercolors (which you saw demonstrated in my beautiful Christmas gift for Tyler). Well, it's the one thing I can do that clears my head completely and so, for better or worse, I am painting. Here are a few of my recent paintings to prove it. Once you've looked at them you may begin mocking me.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

شكرا للقراءة

Just checked out my stats today. Readership is down in Russia, but surprisingly up in Kuwait. Shout out to all my readers in the Middle East. 

Friday, March 8, 2013

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said to Betty Ford, "Hilary Clinton is great!"

Sometimes I read my sister's blog and I think, "I should set goals for the number of posts I publish a month." And then I remember the feeling of failure and decide against it.

So I wrote a while back about how every time somebody says, "You look JUST LIKE..." it's a middle aged woman with a horse face. Well what matters is on the inside right? And apparently people are in unanimous agreement that this is my personality doppelganger:

April Ludgate everybody.... my hero.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect...

 but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.”

This post was written months ago so don't be confused by the chronology. When I've mastered time travel (Aubrey Plaza and I are working on it) I'll fix this.

So you know when you make promises that you intend to keep and then you remembered that you promised to do something but just thinking about doing that thing makes you want to throw something breakable across the room? Well that’s how I’ve felt about blogging lately.

Well I didn’t blog. And I almost threw something breakable across the room. And then I remembered that someday I’m going to have a husband, and when I feel like throwing something breakable across the room, there will be a house full of stuff that was never originally mine that I can choose from. Why break something of my own today, when I could break Aaron's lava lamp in 7 months?  

Plus, I fully expect to have recovered from my urge to tip Aaron's television over and snap his blurays in half and throw his iPad across the room and drop his collectible Star Wars drinking glasses on the concrete floor, in about a month. Because in 1 week I'll have submitted my grad school application, in 4 weeks I'll have completed my 150 page social work portfolio, in  5 I'll be done with classes, and in 7 I'll have a mortarboard on my head and a diploma in my hand. 

Until then I'll continue to feel like Rosemary Woodhouse and assume that this terrible feeling I have all the time comes from everybody conspiring against me.


You know that scene in Matilda where the Trunchbull flings Amanda Thripp over the fence by her pigtails and you think "That's the most horrible thing ever!"...

and then it turns into a field of daisies?

Well I'm now working 25 hours a week and have no homework. So yeeeeeah. I'm picking daisies for Miss Honey eryday.

I finished my grad school app, was accepted, and will be choosing an internship placement in 1 week, I finished my portfolio, presented it successfully to two practitioners, I wore a mortarboard on my head and was the FIRST name called and first person to walk across the stage in my graduation, but I did not have my diploma in hand as they had to reprint it and send it to my apartment (and the award for longest sentence ever goes to....William Faulkner; Absalom, Absalom!).

So what have I been doing in my free time you ask?


And guess how good I am at watercolors....

Good enough to give this to Tyler for Christmas.
(I was going for just bad enough that you aren't sure if the artist is joking and you're not sure if you're going to have to hang it somewhere visible every time the artist comes over.) NAILED IT.