Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Stuff Horror Movie Writers Like

Seeing has how Halloween is coming, this seems appropriate. I, unlike most people, LOVE scary movies, haunted houses, fright night at six flags, etc. Naturally this means that my television is currently fixed on either AMC's Fear Fest or ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween. SO... I've noticed a few similarities in these movies and will list them below in a section I like to call:

"How to Survive a Horror Movie"

1. When it's raining, and the power goes out, DON'T send one person to flip the breaker and not notice that he never came back.

2. When you've called for your friend ten times, who was in the other room 5 seconds ago, and he doesn't answer, he's dead and the killer is right behind you. GET OUT.

3. Abstinence is the KEY to survival. Do NOT choose Halloween night, or any night you attend a rockin party with ten other couples, during the perfect storm, to go all the way with your boyfriend. Sex=death

4. When you are running from the killer, do so carefully. Even though he is walking slowly, you WILL trip and he will catch up to you.

5. When the bad guy is on the ground, with his machete next to him, pick it up and finish him off.... just in case. I suggest doing it Dexter style (cut up the pieces, put them in trash bags and dump them in the ocean)

6. If you see cop cars but there are no cops in sight, assume they've been killed rather than being relieved that they showed up.

7. Take seriously all unnaturally tall men wearing jumpsuits and masks. They are probably mentally unstable.

8. Just don't even attend a summer camp.

9. If any electronics randomly come on, don't assume it's because of an electrical issue... assume that somebody is trying to mess with your brain before they put a knife through it.

10. Finally, don't go upstairs. What is your exit strategy at that point? He will push you out the window and you will land flat on your back in the front yard and he will be gone from the window when you look up (meaning he's coming down for you). Run out of the house, to the street, and then to a neighbor that is far enough away that the killer could not have already killed them. And remember.... run carefully.

Monday, October 18, 2010

miPhone 3G

3G- gross, geriatric, and ghetto.

I get a new phone soon but, to prove how ghetto mine is (pictured above), I offer this fun fact.

I can go at least two days without losing a single battery bar, and probably a whole week (not tested yet) without it dying. This is because my phone does nothing but call and text, and due to my lack of friends/loving family, it barely even does does that.

And before you ask, no it doesn't have snake and the screen is not that grey/green color.

Also.... I have to prop it up on its side in order for the charger to connect so.... yeah.

Stuff Blog Readers Like

I am not always proud to call myself a blog reader (and only recently follower....Tara....) because that would mean admitting to wasting hours on the computer reading about other people's lives. But I figure if I am going to admit it, I might as well go big or go home so......

Stuff blog readers like:

1. Pictures.
Don't bother blogging if you're going to include one picture that is the size of my pinky fingernail and then six "click to read more" links because it doesn't all fit on one page. Also.... stop using font that only Thumbelina or the Borrowers could read.... RUDE.

2. Links to other fun websites.
Maybe this is just me but when a blogger links me to another site I love it. Unless of course it's one of those sites where you're watching a car drive along and all of a sudden "BAM" zombie girlin your face. I hate that. I actually don't think I've been linked to that before.

3. Silence.
That's right bloggers, I DO NOT appreciate sitting peacefully in my room, or even more appropriately in the library and forgetting that the blog I am visiting has a playlist. I'm just surfin the web, minding my own business and then.... everybody else in the library is minding my business as some loud 94.9 inspired Christian song starts blaring, and by blaring I mean playing as loud as a laptop will allow for all of my fellow studiers to hear. Not only is it embarrassing but it usually scares me so bad that I let out a very audible "Oh my gosh!" My fingers can't find the mute button fast enough.

4. Puns.
Please, use puns, they are awesome... if you need inspiration (or a really awesome way to kill time), read and be prepared for the best puns of your life.

5. Recipes with pictures.
This kind of goes back to the pictures thing but.... why would I ever make a recipe without seeing a picture first. Also, I think someday we will have the technology to smell through the computer and television. I call it smelevision... it will be awesome (except for foodnetwork that already made you hungry will make you even more hungry [maybe this could go hand in hand with wonkavision so they could teleport the food to you]).

So there you go, these are a few things that blog readers like. Go and do likewise.

Now, I didn't want to violate my own "no picture" rule so I just googled some random pic for your enjoyment!