You know when you're like "oh man I forgot to buy Kayla a present for Christmas, what on earth should I get her?" ?

Well you're in luck because I found all of the most perfect gifts that you can buy me and I will now show them to you with me photo-shopped (with paint) in.

If you're not sure about this one let me assure you, it'll grow on you.

Obviously I'm hinting at the Evian in this one. 

If you got these for me, I would share. I wouldn't hedge hog them.

This is no roos.. I really want this. 

No words needed.

It's almost as if Santa reads my blog

If you haven't read the previous post, do so before reading this so that you may have a better understanding of what's to come.

Twas the morning of Christmas and all through the home

All the family was up, not a single hair combed. 

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that "St. Nick" hadn't forgotten they were there. 

The children, well there are none, to be nestled in bed,

And as we'd established, this poem's Christmas morning instead.

Mamma in her kerchief, pfff that would be funny,

Seriously who wears those? To see her in one, I'd pay money. 

When o'er in the kitchen, arose such a clatter 

We thought it was Tyler, but remembered he already broke all the platters. 

Away to the kitchen, we flew.. well, kind of slow,

It was a late night, we were tired you know?

The sun on the breast of absolutely no snow,

I'm pretty much done with Texas weather, does it show?

When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,

But the pigs in a blanket I wait for ALL YEAR.

With a little old chef, all busy and bothered

I knew in a moment, it must be my father.

More rapid than eagles, food to the table came,

And he whistled and shouted and called us, but not really by name.

Now wife! Now daughters! Now son-in-law!

On aunt and all else, blah blah blah blah blah.

To the table, for breakfast! To the table for food!

Now dash away! but don't take too much, that's just rude. 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

Come on, I heard nothing, I'm just being a goof.

As I stuffed my face, and was turning around,

I looked to the chimney, and that's where I found,

Dressed in new bristles that covered its head,

A shiny new toothbrush that practically said,

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'm so very brand new.

I'm here to be used by none other than you!"

I sprang to my stocking and gave a loud whistle.

And picked up the beauty and stroked its new bristles. 

And with a mouth full of toothpaste I tried hard to say,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-day!"

In other words, I got a new toothbrush, but true to form, I've been too lazy to change out the old for the new and have brushed my teeth three times with Einstein since I got this beaut.

Merry day-after-Christmas Eve!

Oh and HOLLA to my new followers:

Mom,
Michelle,
Addie,
&
Tara

And to those still reading without following:
I hope Santa brought you nothing but coal and you have a Nickelback song stuck in your head.

You know how you live with something one way long enough and you don't realize it's not normal?

It's kind of like when you come home from college your freshman year and your family is like, "WHOA... spending a lot of time at the cafeteria?" And you are all like.. what? And you don't notice because you live with you every day and you don't have a normal pre-weight-gain you to compare yourself to.
Well that happened to me recently. Not the weight gain thing. Though I'm sure it did behind my back.

I brush my teeth often. Every morning, every evening, and usually after I eat. I recognize that for some, brushing more than twice a day is excessive, but for me... normal. Also I replace my toothbrush less often than I should. Though for the record I DID replace it like two months ago.
Here, is my toothbrush.

 I name a lot of inanimate objects, but I don't name my toothbrush because I don't want anything that has a name to be vigorously scrubbing my gums. That's way too intimate. All this to say, this is my toothbrush.

Now, you may be, or likely are thinking that this seems very normal. And I can say that I honestly agreed with you. Until my sister Erin and b.i.l. Tyler came to town. We are, regrettably, sharing a bathroom and therefore a toothbrush holder.

And now I'm realizing, maybe it's time to replace my toothbrush again....
Erin said it looks like he was electrocuted.
I guess if your toothbrush's reflection in the mirror looks somewhat like Albert Einstein... it's probably time to get a new one.

It also kinda looks like Angelica's doll Cynthia......

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that "Santa" (for all the children reading my blog, when I say "Santa" I mean Santa) leaves a new toothbrush in my stocking.......

Because my family complained and apparently it's NOT the thought that counts

here is a NEW copy of my family portrait....

My apologies to the woman with the random red letters

So remember when I begged everybody to follow me? And then I didn't really tell you how? And then I looked all over my blog and couldn't figure out how to do it myself? And then youtubed it so I could have somebody teach me? And then realized I didn't have the right gadget on my blog? But now I do? Well this goes out to the woman who writes that one blog with aaaaall the random red words (as if her writing is comparable to the words of our Lord Jesus).

So if you would please join me in looking to the right hand side of the screen (el mano derecho) ---------------------->

There you will see a little thing above my profile that says "follow me like these guys". See the "Join this site" button? CLICK IT!!! And if you don't have any of the 1,000 accounts listed then welcome to the 90s Mr. Banks, it's time to join the world wide web. 

And THAT, Tara Dawn Gross Hummel, is how you follow. 

And because I didn't explain how to do it and it was actually near impossible, but not completely impossible because seven people have figured out how to do it, I've painted you a picture of my face right now as I beg for forgiveness. 

For the record

My Uncle Richard is not now nor has he ever been bald. The picture I posted in the Star Wars post was from behind and did not portray the Uncle Richardness of the man. I just wanted to clear that up. He and his beautiful wife are wonderful people. The best. ;)

Look at my new blog! and by new, I mean the same blog with a face lift and fish!

So I'm sure you noticed that I changed my blog aesthetics. I researched a little, Googling things like "how to have a million followers" and "why doesn't anybody like my blog?" and "Robert Downey Jr.'s giant calves". And it all turned up the same; I needed to simplify the look.
So I decided to change the yellow background that was kind of abrasive to look at and made it white. It was like a scene out of Sleeping Beauty "make it white!" only that kind of sounds like I was playing God because obviously I couldn't just say "make it white" I actually had to change the template. So please don't let the only thing that you gained from reading this be that Kayla has a God complex. If anything, remember to Google Robert Downey Jr's calves. Because seriously, you have to have noticed that he wears bell bottoms in every movie he's in.

Now that I think about it, I probably should have left it yellow because red and yellow induce hunger. So maybe it would have a reverse effect and every time somebody was hungry they would immediately feel the need to read my blog.

Is Iron Man making anybody else hungry?

What's done is done. Also... there are fish.... you are probably watching them riiiiiight now. Look at 'em... just swimmin around like it's nobody's business. If you put your mouse on them they all swim to it. Amazing. Technology these days. Never mind the fact that we have touch screen tablets that tune your guitar, I'm taken aback by cyber fish.

So enjoy my dear readers. And by readers I mean all SEVEN of you. That's right people, I have a new follower, her name is Peyton and if you follow, you too could get a shout out.

The End

Merry Holiday

In the spirit of being PC I'd like to wish everybody a merry holiday. May your winter solstice tradition of pagan tree worship be ever decorative, your giving of gifts in the name of Saturnalia be satisfactory, and my receiving of information of secular traditions from wikipedia be exceedingly correct.

But really, merry Christmas everybody. Being inspired by some of the cards we have already received, I'd like to take this time to write my own Christmas card to all of you and seeing as how I didn't eat all last week due to lack of funds, I won't be able to mail my holiday greetings this year (and no, my parents aren't horrible people who denied me money for food, I'm simply too proud to ask for money and like the challenge of making it last until I return home for the winter break).

So, pretend you've just pulled out your sterling silver letter opener, torn open the reeeally fancy envelope and pulled out a beautiful, hand fashioned card that looks and reads like the following:

Hello and merry Christmas!

I can hardly believe that 2011 is coming to an end. It seems like just yesterday I was spending all of my money on gifts for people to better celebrate the birth of Jesus. Ha ha, just kidding! I LOVE giving gifts... what a blessing.
In case you didn't know, I'm studying to be a social worker, a profession in which I will never be able to make back the money my parents are spending on my college tuition.My classes include rigorous course work such as "centering time", play-doh activities, and role playing. As you can guess, good grades are hard to achieve.
Waco really is a wonderful place. Why, this fall semester alone we've only had 5 or 6 armed robberies in our neighborhood. What an improvement over last year! This fall I was given the opportunity to ride my bike in Baylor's homecoming parade (the largest collegiate parade in the nation) through an organization I've joined called Student Foundation. The sororities and fraternities create floats for the parade and enter them in for competition. The winning float, that was displayed for one day before decomposing in the rain outside, was constructed with a mere $60,000 budget. I can't think of a better way to spend such money!
At the end of the spring semester I got my cartilage pierced. A wise decision if I may say so myself. As it turns out, my ears are highly sensitive and it took six months of sharp stabbing pain for me to realize that perhaps it just isn't something for me. Luckily, I will always have the hole in my ear to remind myself that through failure we learn valuable lessons.
With the good however, comes some misfortune. For months I have been having aching neck pain. After entering my symptoms on webmd.com I found out that I had cervical (spine region) spondylosis (arthritis). Imagine, only 20 years old, and already afflicted with arthritis. To be thorough, I decided to get a second opinion and visited our family physician. One round of xrays later and it was revealed that what I had assumed was arthritis of the neck, was actually muscle spasms forcing my spine to become overly arched. Worry not, for I am on muscle relaxers and have been given a set of at-home physical therapy exercises. I expect to be able to look in the general direction of "up" within a few months.
I am excited to begin the year 2012 as a senior in college due to my graduating in December of next year. I look forward to my internship placement at Texas Hunger Initiative, where my father is sure I will be handing out sack lunches. Were it not for such encouragement and support back home, I might not get through. I greatly look forward to the increased work load and likely decline in social interaction.

On that note, I wish all of you the merriest of Christmases and a very happy new year!

In good health,

Kayla Carpenter

Revelations

Recent revelations I've had:

1. I'm offended if somebody writes me a personal note and doesn't include one of the following:

-You're insanely witty
-Your humor astounds me
-You keep me in stitches
-You're the funniest girl I know
-Harry Potter RULES

2. The recipe for a funny woman is the following:

-1 part slightly disapproving significant other
-2 parts cat
-1 part (at least) cult-ish obsession (Harry Potter, Star Wars, LOTR, Dr. Who, etc... but not Star Trek. Nobody who likes Star Trek is funny.)
-Many parts of weird personality and/or mental disorder
-1 part vulnerability

And what sucks is I'm allergic to cats. So. close.

3. Liberal is NOT the opposite of Christian

4. Reindeer cars are the bomb and anybody who thinks otherwise hates Christmas. Upon them, I wish the "ghost of Christmas yet to come" because that one is scary as heck..
5. Taking muscle relaxers isn't as trippy as I had hoped. In fact it isn't trippy at all. I would ask for a refund but I didn't pay for them and they help my muscle spasms tremendously.

6. Being poor at Christmas sucks because giving gifts really is the best part.

7. You feel infinitely smarter when you are one of a few people to catch a Herman Cain joke in a room full of college students.

8. French fries are less satisfying when you find out that fast food restaurants put beef flavoring in them to make them taste better.

oh and that strawberry flavoring alone in a strawberry milkshake includes the following ingredients:
amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, anethol, anisyl formate, benzyl acetate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, cognac essential oil, diacetyl, dipropyl ketone, ethyl butyrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl heptylate, ethyl lactate, ethyl methylphenylglycidate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, hydroxyphrenyl- 2-butanone (10% solution in alcohol), ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon essential oil, maltol, 4-methylacetophenone, methyl anthranilate, methyl benzoate, methyl cinnamate, methyl heptine carbonate, methyl naphthyl ketone, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neroli essential oil, nerolin, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, phenethyl alcohol, rose, rum ether, undecalactone, vanillin and solvent.

mmmmmmmmmm.

9. When the topic of my blog comes up people mostly comment on my paint pictures. I'm fairly sure they do that because they don't know how to comment on the blog without saying... "Well..... it kind of sucks."

10. Mom doesn't find it as funny as I do that to call her on my phone I have to dial 666 (mom)

And finally, because the post was originally going to have zero paint pictures (gotta give the people what they want), I put this picture in to keep from breaking my own rules against no pics in a post.

Au revoir Spanish. Our relationship has officially come to a close. 

Star Wars convention: I was FORCEd to go

Here it is. Star Wars post. Fair warning, this post is long... like seriously long. Like Homer long. Like car rides when you're sitting on the middle hump seat long. Like watching the biathlon during the Olympics long. Like any scene in Family Guy long.  Like anything you have to stay awake through while on benadryl long. Like sitting through a movie when you have to pee really bad long. After writing it/ inserting 10 million pictures, I feel a billion years older.

My love for Aaron was finally put to the test, and I believe it passed with flying colors. I was just a plane and unpopular, albeit normal girl, but after attending a Star Wars convention, I officially crossed into that strange realm of "no longer a cool geek but just plain weird".
And so, the following is a pictoral guide to one of the most bizarre days of my life.

My mind: YAY STAR WARS!

Aaron's mind: I hope she doesn't put this on her blog.

My mind: I'm totally putting this on my blog.

It's all fun and games until somebody is maimed by this guys haphazard use of his light saber.  Come on man... put it away.

Trekky reference   

Seriously... it doesn't get any cuter/ weirder than this.

guy who writes star wars book... or maybe my uncle richard... it was hard to tell. And yes, we did wait in line for Aaron to get his favorite book signed. 

Is it just me or those suits really not very flattering in the... eh hem.... lower region?

It's obvious that this child will never lead a normal life.  

This is Peter Mayhew.... he played Chewbacca, aka character who always yells obnoxiously loud when everybody is in hiding or trying to be sneaky. Well this guy played him... a looooong time ago and now he is very old,  and based off of this picture, possibly dead, and/or possibly an alien.

Darth is holding his light saber like Mulan. Meanwhile that stormtropper is clearly bored out of his mind.

Riding Solo... in carbonite.

seriously... who picks Boba Fett as their favorite character? That's like saying, my favorite star wars character is that one storm trooper. 

Come on, could this be more perfect?

This is the tale, of Captain Jack Sparrow... He must be from the deleted scenes. 

The following is a series of attempts to capture a picture of Julie Benz without having to pay $35 for it. Her security was preeeeetty tight. 

terrible... this could be anybody.

Close

closer...

MONEY SHOT

Princess Leia

Ross would be elated.

zero underwear.

Best dad ever. 

Yeah this makes sense 

people are weird (ignore that this is coming from a girl who attended a star wars convention)

Aaron checking out the silent auction. My experience with silent auctions now spans further than fbc allen choir fundraising. 

Billy Dee Williams, aka Lando Calrissian, aka only black guy in Star Wars. 

And because this post was WAY suckier than you had hoped it would be, I will include a Star Wars related conversation Aaron and I recently via text:

Setting: Dollar theater with roommates. There are movie quotes on the wall. One is a Star Wars quote. Michelle says they should have used the quote, "Luke, I am your father". I, having recently been indoctrinated into the Star Wars occult, responded that in the movie Vader does not actually say "Luke, I am your father" but rather, "I am your father". (Michelle had NO reason to know this, as she is a normal person. Do not associate this minor misunderstanding with her intelligence as she is in fact a chemistry major and therefore much smarter than both you and I. Also I'm sure that somewhere in the list of things NOT to blog there is something about not insulting your audience, so sorry to all six of you... I'm sure you are all smart.)

Me: Youda been proud of me. Michelle said that the Star Wars quote they should have put on the wall at the theater should have been "Luke I am your father" and I was like,"technically its just, 'I am your father'". Then nerd guy behind the counter was all like, "right? most misquoted line ever, they didn't even capitalize the Force in the quote they did use." And I'm all like, "WHAT AN ABOMINATION!" and he's like, "yeah, I almost quit but I let it slide." And I was like, "You are not a true fan." And he was, well, he was a little dejected but really happy to have an encounter with a fellow nerd.

Aaron: That's amazing

(at the time I thought he really was amazed...now re-reading I'm thinking maybe he was being sarcastic)

Me: Yeah then I could see, in his eyes, him imagining a life with me, and I was all like, "dude, I'm spoken for. I've already got my Star Wars geek, and he's WAY better than you."


The end.

Under pressure, but not in a sing-song Queen-ish way, more like in a "AM I EVER GOING TO SURVIVE LIFE?!" kind of way

I swear, if I hear "I'm still waiting for that amaaaaazing Star Wars post" from my dad again I'm going to... I'm going to.... well to be honest I'm probably not going to do anything. You know when you put off doing something for a reeeeeally long time and then you feel guilty for not having done it already and then you still don't do it because you feel too guilty. That's how I feel. I was all like, "Guys, no worries, I'm posting soon. Magical posts about Star Wars with photos and maybe even paint pictures." And now I'm all like, "meh." And to be honest, I'm not even sure I ever said the Star Wars post was going to be "amazing".

So here I am.... feeling guilty for not posting.... sitting alone in my room thinking, "homework? naaaah, I haven't posted in FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!" I'm not sure the emphasis I just put on "forever" works as well typed out as it does in my head. But anyways, I might as well say something to tide you over until I get around to posting about Star Wars (which I'll warn you right now is going to be an extremely boring and dry post that makes you long for a nap and a glass of water).

Ergo, a conversation via text message that proves Aaron and I's love and compatibility*

(One should know before reading this that on my ONLY day to sleep in Aaron texted me at 9:30 to tell me Harry Potter was singing in the Macy's Parade so I rushed downstairs (hoping to see the following)

just in time to receive another text that said, "never mind, he finished"... he then proceeded to NOT answer my text messages, thus the following)

Me: What are you doing? What's your family doing? How do you feel? How is your homework? Have you been hammocking? What's your favorite thanksgiving food?

Me: Hello?!

Me: Do you hear me? Do you loooove me? Do ya love me? Do you looooooove me? Do ya love me?

Me: Now......

Me: That I........

Aaron: Jeez

Me: Can daaaaaaaaance

Me: daaaAAAAANCE

Me: DAAAAAANCE....

Me: WATCH  ME NOW!

Aaron: Work Work

Me: That's why we are in love**

*I developed a fool proof way to break up with somebody without completely crushing them. You tell them that you should both sign up for e-harmony and if you are compatible and get matched together then it's meant to be, but if not then you will both take it as a sign that you weren't meant for each other and you should date whoever you are matched with. But then I realized, wouldn't it really suck if you got matched to each other and he's all like, "I KNEW WE WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!" and you're all like "this is awkward..."

** I obviously don't plan on breaking up with Aaron, we are in love.