I'm tired of this happening.

Perfect. A sweater for this girl:

Where are all these women? Why haven't I seen them? Why do people continue to make tiny torso-ed sweaters? Anthropologie, I'm disappointed in you. Not only are you marketing to a body type that I'm fairly sure doesn't exist, you're trying to tell me that the sale price of $900 is a steal. Stop it.

And with that she washed her hands of the store...




until the next time she visited home and went shopping.

ZzzzzZzzzZZzzzZZZZzzzzz

I'm so tired I literally thought about posting a blog that just said "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" but then how would you know if I was sleepy or if my computer was hacked by bees? You wouldn't. So for your mind's sake, I'm not doing that. Instead I'm typing it out. And for those of you thinking "bees can't hack computers", you may be right. But just as science can't prove there is no God, we can't prove the inability of bees to computer hack. In fact, the inside of my computer has been making a very suspiciously bee sounding noise recently. Aaron said it is the cooling fan but let's be honest... what does Aaron know about computer hacking bees?

How do bees sit?

Does this happen to anybody else?

Surely I'm not the only one......

This video literally took me hours to make.... so please ignore the fact that it is blurry. Because I'm not perfect.

Don't mess with the Recording Commissioner

Warning: long post

When Erin and Tyler were in town they asked if we could record the Cowboys game at our house (for what, reason I couldn't possibly guess). I informed them that all recording requests had to be run by the Recording Commissioner (which happens to be me). You can probably guess where this is going.

Text from Erin 1/1/12:
Dear Recording Commissioner,
Would you please consider the possibility of me starting a series recording of Up All Night? I would like to start watching that show and I realize I needed permission from the commissioner for that.
Thank you for your time,
Erin

Me:
Ms. Ellis,
Thank you for your message regarding inquiry about permission to record the popular series "Up All Night". Due to holiday hours, the commissioner's office is currently closed. Permission may therefore not be granted until the commissioner returns. She is expected to resume her normal schedule tomorrow, January 2, at 10 AM. You may resubmit your requests at that time.
In good health,
Assistant Recording Commissioner and
Vice President of Foreign Television Affairs

Me 1/2/12 2:04 PM
Ms. Ellis,
The Assistant Recording Commissioner and Vice President of Foreign Television Affairs informed me of your request. I'm messaging you today to ask if you are still interesting in recording NBC's popular series "Up All Night". I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate your rule abiding methods.
Sincerely,
Recording Commissioner and
Executive Director of Television

Me 5:10 PM
Ms. Ellis,
Due to your lack of response, we will assume that you are no longer interested in receiving permission to record any television series at this time. Should we hear from you before the offices close this evening, we may review your case. Offices close at 5:11.
Thank you,
Administrative Assistant of the
Recording Commissioner

Erin 5:11 PM
Dear Recording Commissioner,
Would you please consider the possibility of me starting a series recording of Up All Night? I would like to start watching that show and I realize I needed permission from the commissioner for that. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Erin

Me 5:13
Ms. Ellis,
We regret to inform you that offices have closed for the day. Please submit your request another time.
Office of the Recording Commissioner

Tyler:
Dear Recording Commissioner,
I realize that it is after hours but I have a serious complaint to file against Mrs. Erin Ellis, who is applying for permission to record a current comedic television show, Up All Night. In an effort to meet a deadline set by your office, Mrs. Ellis used physical force in the form of a pinch to the left lower deltoid muscle. This form of coercion was both irresponsible and reprehensible. I would ask that this matter be apart of the consideration for Mrs. Ellis's recording request. As I stated before, I realize that this is after hours, but I did not want to squander any precious time or miss a statute of limitations. Please consider this plea.
Thank you for your time.

Erin:
Dear Recording Commissioner,
I am aware that the office is closed, but I would like you to know that a Mr. Tyler Ellis has recently filed a formal complaint about my behavior in my efforts to meet your office deadline. Please know that I apologized profusely to him and that even though he would like for that grievance to effect the outcome of my permission, he would probably benefit from the recording himself. Also, on Sunday evening, January 1st, Mr. Ellis created a recording on our device without permission from your office. I appreciate your time in all of these matters... oh and Harry Potter RULES!!!!
Sincerely,
Erin Ellis

Me:
Ms. Ellis,
We will take this information into account.
Mischief Managed,
Office of the Recording Commissioner

Me:
Mr. Ellis,
We recently received information that you created a recording on January 1st of this year without permission from the Recording Commissioner. Due to your actions we are forced to assume any information you have provided in regards to Ms. Ellis has been falsified. If you wish to file complaints in the future please do so with the correct office which can be reached by telephone only at              ..
Thank you,
Office of the Recording Commissioner

I then received a message on our home phone from Tyler stating he wished to make a complaint and to either call him back or email him.

I then emailed him, from recording_commissioner@yahoo.com, giving him permission to file a complaint. There has been no response.

This is what I imagine the Office of the Recording Commissioner looks like:

Cake Boss

When I changed my blog layout, I said that I had searched how to get more followers. That was a lie, I just wanted an excuse to completely makeover what previously looked like an online charity case.

But now I HAVE researched with "10 Basic SEO Tips to Get You Started", and realize I have been doing everything wrong. So in this post I'm going to incorporate every tip and blatantly ignore their main warning of not incorporating it all into one post (because that's too obvious. and can get you spammed) Cake Boss. 

1. Monitor your search standings

Now guys, don't get too excited, but this is a little peek behind the curtain. You get to see what backstage looks like. Obviously I need to increase readership in Russia, but we'll focus on that another time. Clearly the Cake Boss (Buddy Valastro at Carlo's Bakery) is my number one attraction. So I'm changing my blog to be solely based on the Cake Boss. Cake Boss. 

The number one traffic source link took me to a website about conspiracy theories and big brother listening to our phone calls. If you read my blog then you know this makes a lot of sense because I currently focus on those issues quite often. The rest come from people googling "chicken heart" or readers of my sister's blog. 

2. Keywords, keywords, keywords!

Be aware of keywords in your blog such as titles, content (Cake Boss), URLs, etc (can you spell that for me Shawn?).

3. Link back to yourself

4. Create a sitemap

Done. Cake Boss

5. Search Friendly URLs 

They suggested I change my blog URL to something like puppyfun.com but then I realized that maybe that was just an example. And then I looked at my blog URL and I was like, "weirdfamilyandlife.blogspot.com that's somewhat nonsensical, why did I even name my blog that? You're so stupid Kayla, unlike the Cake Boss". But I'm not creative enough to make my own URL so, here is your chance. In the comment section, you may suggest a new blog URL. But it has to follow the "search friendly" criteria. 

6. Something you aren't supposed to do that I already don't do. 

7. Image descriptions and alt tags 

Guys this is getting seriously complicated. I will now add a photo with an alt tag (that you can't even see because it's all within the html coding)

8. Fresh Content
You and I both know I've nailed this one.

9. Social Media-tize it
I don't like to sell my blog like that. It makes her feel cheap. But I do have a link to it on both of my SM outlets.

10. Link to others as often as possible

After this I expect this post to get A LOT of traffick.
Don't forget to leave a comment giving a URL suggestion. 

Mom

A long time a go I wrote (and blogged) a poem about each of my family members. My mother felt like she was short changed. Then I wrote this longer poem for her but kept putting off finishing it. Well here it is.

Does it get any better than mom?

She took me dress shopping for prom.

For homecoming too,

and banquets, it's true!

She really is quite the bomb.

She gives the world's greatest back scratch.

She's not shy to tell me I don't match.

She knows all my tastes,

Says what's pretty is my face.

To her I am very attached.

Too many doctor appointments she came,

Ortho, dentist, and all others you name.

With tight braces she gave,

the wendy's frostys I craved,

Without her I'd be not the same.

Attendance was one of her strong suits,

For me at my games she did root.

violin concerts,

me in ugly floor length skirts,

She's the best mom I cannot dispute.