Don't mess with the Recording Commissioner

Warning: long post

When Erin and Tyler were in town they asked if we could record the Cowboys game at our house (for what, reason I couldn't possibly guess). I informed them that all recording requests had to be run by the Recording Commissioner (which happens to be me). You can probably guess where this is going.

Text from Erin 1/1/12:
Dear Recording Commissioner,
Would you please consider the possibility of me starting a series recording of Up All Night? I would like to start watching that show and I realize I needed permission from the commissioner for that.
Thank you for your time,
Erin

Me:
Ms. Ellis,
Thank you for your message regarding inquiry about permission to record the popular series "Up All Night". Due to holiday hours, the commissioner's office is currently closed. Permission may therefore not be granted until the commissioner returns. She is expected to resume her normal schedule tomorrow, January 2, at 10 AM. You may resubmit your requests at that time.
In good health,
Assistant Recording Commissioner and
Vice President of Foreign Television Affairs

Me 1/2/12 2:04 PM
Ms. Ellis,
The Assistant Recording Commissioner and Vice President of Foreign Television Affairs informed me of your request. I'm messaging you today to ask if you are still interesting in recording NBC's popular series "Up All Night". I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate your rule abiding methods.
Sincerely,
Recording Commissioner and
Executive Director of Television

Me 5:10 PM
Ms. Ellis,
Due to your lack of response, we will assume that you are no longer interested in receiving permission to record any television series at this time. Should we hear from you before the offices close this evening, we may review your case. Offices close at 5:11.
Thank you,
Administrative Assistant of the
Recording Commissioner

Erin 5:11 PM
Dear Recording Commissioner,
Would you please consider the possibility of me starting a series recording of Up All Night? I would like to start watching that show and I realize I needed permission from the commissioner for that. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Erin

Me 5:13
Ms. Ellis,
We regret to inform you that offices have closed for the day. Please submit your request another time.
Office of the Recording Commissioner

Tyler:
Dear Recording Commissioner,
I realize that it is after hours but I have a serious complaint to file against Mrs. Erin Ellis, who is applying for permission to record a current comedic television show, Up All Night. In an effort to meet a deadline set by your office, Mrs. Ellis used physical force in the form of a pinch to the left lower deltoid muscle. This form of coercion was both irresponsible and reprehensible. I would ask that this matter be apart of the consideration for Mrs. Ellis's recording request. As I stated before, I realize that this is after hours, but I did not want to squander any precious time or miss a statute of limitations. Please consider this plea.
Thank you for your time.

Erin:
Dear Recording Commissioner,
I am aware that the office is closed, but I would like you to know that a Mr. Tyler Ellis has recently filed a formal complaint about my behavior in my efforts to meet your office deadline. Please know that I apologized profusely to him and that even though he would like for that grievance to effect the outcome of my permission, he would probably benefit from the recording himself. Also, on Sunday evening, January 1st, Mr. Ellis created a recording on our device without permission from your office. I appreciate your time in all of these matters... oh and Harry Potter RULES!!!!
Sincerely,
Erin Ellis

Me:
Ms. Ellis,
We will take this information into account.
Mischief Managed,
Office of the Recording Commissioner

Me:
Mr. Ellis,
We recently received information that you created a recording on January 1st of this year without permission from the Recording Commissioner. Due to your actions we are forced to assume any information you have provided in regards to Ms. Ellis has been falsified. If you wish to file complaints in the future please do so with the correct office which can be reached by telephone only at              ..
Thank you,
Office of the Recording Commissioner

I then received a message on our home phone from Tyler stating he wished to make a complaint and to either call him back or email him.

I then emailed him, from recording_commissioner@yahoo.com, giving him permission to file a complaint. There has been no response.

This is what I imagine the Office of the Recording Commissioner looks like: