Thursday, May 16, 2013

I'm sorry I don't want to buy your "magical desk"

An ad for a desk I'm selling on Craigslist

Magical Desk- $200 OR BEST OFFER - $200 (Waco (Baylor Area))

I have an awesome desk that could be described as "shabby-chic" but that phrase is over-used and makes me want to kick something. Instead, I'm going to say, this is a one-of-a-kind, already-made-to-look-old, likely (though there's no way of knowing for sure) handcrafted desk that would be great in your home. I spent a lot of time painting it to look perfect, then sanding it to make it look the opposite of perfect, because that's the style, however nonsensical it seems. 

This beautiful piece (it's basically art) is cream in color, but was originally blue, which shows in the sanded parts as if the ocean is peaking through (which will make you feel as if you live at the beach). It would look great in a bedroom of any type... or in study, or a closet, or a garage, or basically any room you want to put it in. It could even be a really unique make-shift dog house but please don't use it for your cats. This desk hates cats. 

The desk has four drawers on the side to stash the fifteen bottles of multi-vitamins your dad gave you that you promised to take and never did, one long drawer in the middle for pencils and staples for the stapler you can't find anywhere, and a pull-out writing tab thing in case you hate writing on the actual desk part. I replaced the thousand year old button nobs with branch-shaped drawer pulls to really class it up and and make you feel like you're in a forest. Try finding another desk that makes you feel like you are at the beach and in a forest at the same time.

I've noticed over the years that it not only works well as a desk but also as a catch all for any junk you don't have time to put away. It doesn't move on its own, so you never have to worry about losing it, and it will play music (if you put your iPod and some speakers in the drawer and press play). 

Clearly, because it is as awesome as I've described, I wish I could keep it, but I just don't have room for it in my new apartment.
I'm asking $200 but I'm flexible. Make me an offer I can't refuse...

Only response to ad thus far:

I'm sorry I don't want to buy your "magical desk", (i'm looking for an office desk and chair) even though upon reading I could feel the ocean waves crash up against the rocks, the smell of the pine cones in the forest! I LOVED IT!! The art you or your pencil declared in writing this ad makes me for SURE to know that this desk had a remarkable owner!! 

My response to this response:

Thank you, I appreciate the compliment… but I'm also a little disconcerted by the fact that "magical desk" is in quotations in your response. Allow me to dispel any doubts you may have about the magical properties of this desk. For one, it was originally a person who worked in a castle but was cursed by an old woman and turned into an inanimate object. Second, it might be invisible because nobody else has responded to the ad, which leads me to believe that perhaps they cannot see it. 

If you need further proof, I'm willing to fabricate a certificate of magical authenticity. 

Also, I think this desk would look great in your office. 



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