Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Stuff Horror Movie Writers Like

Seeing has how Halloween is coming, this seems appropriate. I, unlike most people, LOVE scary movies, haunted houses, fright night at six flags, etc. Naturally this means that my television is currently fixed on either AMC's Fear Fest or ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween. SO... I've noticed a few similarities in these movies and will list them below in a section I like to call:

"How to Survive a Horror Movie"

1. When it's raining, and the power goes out, DON'T send one person to flip the breaker and not notice that he never came back.

2. When you've called for your friend ten times, who was in the other room 5 seconds ago, and he doesn't answer, he's dead and the killer is right behind you. GET OUT.

3. Abstinence is the KEY to survival. Do NOT choose Halloween night, or any night you attend a rockin party with ten other couples, during the perfect storm, to go all the way with your boyfriend. Sex=death

4. When you are running from the killer, do so carefully. Even though he is walking slowly, you WILL trip and he will catch up to you.

5. When the bad guy is on the ground, with his machete next to him, pick it up and finish him off.... just in case. I suggest doing it Dexter style (cut up the pieces, put them in trash bags and dump them in the ocean)

6. If you see cop cars but there are no cops in sight, assume they've been killed rather than being relieved that they showed up.

7. Take seriously all unnaturally tall men wearing jumpsuits and masks. They are probably mentally unstable.

8. Just don't even attend a summer camp.

9. If any electronics randomly come on, don't assume it's because of an electrical issue... assume that somebody is trying to mess with your brain before they put a knife through it.

10. Finally, don't go upstairs. What is your exit strategy at that point? He will push you out the window and you will land flat on your back in the front yard and he will be gone from the window when you look up (meaning he's coming down for you). Run out of the house, to the street, and then to a neighbor that is far enough away that the killer could not have already killed them. And remember.... run carefully.

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