Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Sometimes I think about death

and when I do, I think about what my last moments will be like. 
Will I be pensive? Regretful? At peace? 

At this point I don't really care I just hope I don't have some urgent need to tell Aaron that "I never loved Eugene Levy." Because chances are I will die before I get it all out and all he will hear is "I never loved you...." The following is a list of phrases that I hope my 90 year old self doesn't see as extremely important to utter before dying:

"I never loved you.........kuleles" 
"I never loved you.........rology"
"I never loved you.........catan Peninsula"
"I never loved you.........NICEF"
"I always regretted our mar...........ijuana habit" (this is a stretch... obviously I won't regret our marijuana habit, I just don't want him to think I was going to say marriage)
"I hid the body..... builders gym membership card and said you lost it so I wouldn't feel guilty for not exercising."

What I'm realizing, is that I need to come up with a list of inspiring and thought provoking phrases to say constantly while on my death bed. I don't want to let my guard down for a second and have my last words accidentally be an unintelligent poop joke (though if we're honest, this is most likely). What I think will probably happen, is that due to my sarcasm, people will struggle to figure out whether or not I'm actually dying. 

"Kayla are you dying?"
"Yeah... I'm dying." (said with involuntary eye roll as I struggle to control my body movements)
"Wait... so... you are dying?"
"Yeah, I'm toooootally dying." 
"I'm sorry, I'm really not sure if you are dying or not...."
"I never loved you......." (yule logs)
"I think she's gone. And she never loved me."

If nothing else, I hope that in death, I'm still making 'em laugh like Bill Murray. 


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